Howdy. I'm gonna spork a Thundercats fanfic because it's a recycled theme that's been done in every fandom. This one caught my eyes, though... because the character (whom I can only assume is a self insert) appears to be pursuing my favorite character Tygra, which irritates me. Her reviews seem to be begging her to switch to Lion-O though and, from the summary, I'm assuming she might end up going that route.

This is called "The Jewel of Omens" and stars Leanne, a mary-sue that is transported into the cat-tastic world of Third Earth by her grandma's magical necklace. Apparently she wants to pretend the necklace is some kind of gem related to the gemstones being tracked down by Lion-O and company, or possibly even be the Warstone itself. Way to weasel your way into the plot.

Here's the official summary:

"Leanne wasn't completely sure how, or why, but she got transported to Thundera by the power of her grandmother's freaky red necklace. And what's this about her family being magical? What is going on?And how is her staying there supposed to help?OC/Lion-O"

I'm always so amused by how cookie-cutter these summaries are. They always begin the exact same way, with some magical object transporting them into a fictional world, in which they usually are able to stay in at the end of the story. Insert a few questions about where they are, maybe throw in an exclamation about her being the chosen one and boom... fanfiction gold!

1

In America, down south, in Nashville (Also known as 'Music City') in Tennessee, was a very popular city.

( Am I the only person that this makes no sense? Nashville /is/ a city. What, is there another city within that city? They're called suburbs, dear. )

Its streets bustled with people who had business with others, either about contracts for new buildings, or new businesses, or new stars that were ready to make their names known in the world.

( Good lord, the writing is so static and long-winded. Learn to shave your sentences and stop making them so long! )

As they walked around in nicely tailored business suits, they passed by some people standing on street corners, some of them held an instrument and were singing songs for money, some wore clothes covered in dirt and mud in multiple layers, because they had no other place to put them, and held out cups, hoping for some small change to get their next meal.

( Need I say more? We're three sentences in and this one could be easily divided into several. This woman is abusing the poor comma... ;_; )

Most were ignored, others got what they needed, but many who walked were too enticed by the sight of the city's high buildings, with windows glittering against the bright sunlight.

( I'm praying the main character is coming in soon to save me from this torment. )

The city was a glorious sight to many people, but the city is not where this story begins.

( Funny, looked to me like you BEGAN THE STORY BY DESCRIBING THE CITY. )

This story begins in the suburbs of Nashville, where a young girl with short, dark hair lay in her messy bed, covered in sheets, and drooling slightly on her pillow.

( Say hello to your whor- I mean self-inse- I mean mary-su-- I mean heroine. Yup. Drooling. Sounds like a winner. )

She groaned as the sunlight hit her face, and turned over in her bed to keep it from hitting her closed eyes.

( Thesaurus. Use it. )

Although, it didn't make much difference in how well she slept, for her mother soon came knocking on the door.

( Cue generic relative/best friend character that we'll never see again. )

"Leanne?" Her mother called from the other side of the door, "Leanne, you better be awake in there!" The girl in the sheets curled up unhappily, putting her pillow over her head to block out the noise of her mother banging on her bedroom door.

( When I was her age I had a mother that barged into my room and ripped my blankets off. What's with this door crap? )

"Go away…!" She groaned out. Her words fell on uncaring ears as her mother, a tall woman with the same dark hair opened the door, and scowled at the sight of her daughter in bed.

( ... she /really/ needs to learn where to place her damn commas. This is irritating. )

"Come on, Lee, get up!" She said.

"Mom, it's summer vacation!" Leanne groaned, "Let me sleep!"

( Nevermind the fact that you and dad have to wake up at the crack of dawn every day and don't get a summer vacation OH WOE IS ME. ))

"Not in my house!" Her mother said, she grabbed the sheets and pulled them off of her daughter, who curled up even more at the loss of her source of warmth, "It may be summer, but it's Saturday, which means chores, young lady! Now get your booty out of bed, you have work to do."

( THERE'S MY MOM. )

"Mom, come on!" Leanne whined, looking up at her mother with her unhappy grey eyes.

( Note the color of her eyes. It changes and becomes more extravagant. )

"Uh-uh." Her mother said, "Up and at 'em, kiddo. I'll be waiting for you downstairs with breakfast." Leanne sighed and collapsed against her mattress as her mother walked out of the room.

"You suck!" She called at her mother from her room.

( Respecting your elders is for chumps. )

"Get out of bed!" Her mother called back. Leanne sighed, knowing if she didn't get up now, her mother would probably get the hose and spray it on her (Because she's done it before, and she wouldn't be surprised if she did it again). Leanne pushed herself out of her bed and shuffled over to her closet with an unhappy scowl. She was not a morning person.

( Damn, I think her mother is going to be my favorite character in this fanfic... Lord knows everyone else is probably going to be horrendously out of character. )

Leanne was about seventeen years old, with black hair that went down to her shoulders, the ends curling up ever so slightly, but that was only because of her bed-head.

( MORE COMMA ABUSE, YAY. For the love of fucking god, it will not kill you to split your deions into multiple sentences. )

She had silvery eyes that could turn from warm and comforting, to steely and icy in a mere second.

( You just said they were grey. Silver is not grey. Silver is a brighter monochrome than grey. Grey is dull and silver is shiny. YOUR EYES ARE NOT SILVER. )

Her skin was slightly pale from the fact that she didn't really get out much, mostly because she had no friends to be out with, but that didn't really matter to her.

( We got a loner story, people. OH TYGRA, MY LOVE. MELT THIS ICE QUEEN'S HEART AND SHOW HER THAT LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP ARE THE ANSWERS-- oh right that won't happen because TYGRA IS A SELF-CONFIDENT, ARROGANT MAN THAT GETS SHIT DONE HIMSELF. D8< Lion-O might fall for that, though, heaven preserve that poor beast. )

She stood at about 5'5" with skinny limbs, and a flat stomach.

( Idealized image, check. Friendless complexion, check. The only things we need now are... )

She scowled as she put on her new shirt, seeing that her B-cup chest, had seemingly grown overnight into a C-cup chest, because her shirt was suddenly much tighter.

( ...GIANT BOOBS. Or, rather, size-changing boobs that outgrow shirts at will. )

She let out an unhappy growl as she took it off and put on a dark blue tank top instead.

( Go for the more revealing top. Always a good plan B. )

She stepped into her work jeans (Which she had cut to look like capris) and pulled a comb through her hair before using a hair tie to make it into a small ponytail.

( I'm getting a Leela vibe from all this, just different colors. )

She walked out of the room and down the stairs to where mother was in the kitchen. When she saw her, her mother handed her some toast covered in jelly.

( That might have flowed a little better if you just said, "to the kitchen." Also, if you ever plan on using mom again, give her a name. Your uses of "she" and "her" are getting confusing and weird. )

"Eat up." She said, "We're gonna do some heavy lifting today." Leanne groaned again and slammed down in a chair near a table, munching on her toast with a scowl, even though she really did like the grape jelly her mother had spread on the piece of bread.

( "THIS SINGLE PIECE OF TOAST WILL GIVE ME THE ENERGY I NEED FOR A KAWAII DAY AT SCHOOL-- I mean house work." You'd think her mother would prepare a larger breakfast considering they're doing "heavy lifting." )

"What are we doing?" She asked, "And by 'we' I mean me." Her mother gave her a look.

"That's one." She said, holding up her index finger. Leanne rolled her eyes. Ever since she was a child, if she had ever made a smart remark to her mother, she would give her a warning. She did the 'three strikes and you're out' rule, meaning if she said three smart ass comments, she'd be punished. When she was little, it was just being sent to time-out, or having her favorite toys taken away. Now, if she got three strikes, she would either be grounded, or have her car privileges taken away.

( This girl must be one immature brat to get the "strike three" treatment enough times for it to still be in use. )

"And we are going to be cleaning up the attic today. It's time we got rid of all that junk up there."

"Mom, half that junk is Nana's." Leanne said, "You said we should put that stuff in the attic because it's 'closer to heaven,' where she was. Personally, I think we should have just put it all in the basement." She smirked a little at her words. She never liked her Nana, she was far too old-fashioned and always insisted on her eating the most disgusting food she could think of and telling her the strangest stories, which she assumed she only told because of her senility.

( ... wow, her bitch factor just went up by 9001 points. I mean really? She was an elderly woman, of course she's old-fashioned. And from your attitude, I'm assuming anything that isn't soda and chips is disgusting to you. You, my sue, are a terrible child. Good job wishing your grandmother was in hell because she acted like an old woman. )

"That's two." Her mother said, holding up two fingers. Leanne frowned and bit off the last part of her toast, "Make it three, and you lose your cellphone."

( Me: You should have took her phone away for the fucking basement comment. She just told your mother to go to hell, you stupid woman.
Cali: Why take away her phone? She has no friends.
Me: .. GOOD POINT. WHY!? )

"Fine." Leanne said, grabbing a glass of milk and downing the liquid in less than a minute. "So, do we start when you're ready?"

( Well, now that your appetite for needless insults is quenched, let's wash it down with a glass of my SEETHING HATRED. )

"No, we start when you're ready." Her mother said, "And since you just finished off your breakfast, I'd say you are." She smirked at her daughter, who frowned.

( Make her do all the lifting. Just... MAKE HER DO SOMETHING. )

"It's always me who has to do the heavy lifting." She said, "And you wonder why you have so much flab around your middle." She smirked at her comment and her mother scowled at her.

( There's time for some insult pudding, too? Wow. This is one fucking spoiled and horrible brat. )

"You wanna make it three?" She asked, Leanne frowned.

"No…" She grumbled.

"Then I suggest you get your booty upstairs before you do."

( "Then I suggest you get your ass in gear and stop being a bitch for no reason." )

Her mother said, pointing up the stairs. Leanne started walking towards the stairs, and before she left the kitchen, she stuck out her tongue at her mother's back, "I can see you, Missy!" Leanne quickly pulled her tongue back in and dashed up the stairs, not wanting to lose her cellphone privileges so quickly.

( Then maybe you should stop treating your family members like shit, Miss Bella Swan. )

She went up to where the attic door waited and pulled on the string to open it up and bring the ladder down. She climbed up and looked around at all the boxes sitting around the attic, heading over to where a large one sat in the corner of it. She opened it up, and saw that it was filled with a bunch of Nana's old belongings. She reached in, picking up one of her old diaries, and flipped through the pages, when she tried to read her grandmother's handwriting, she found that her cursive was just a bit too calligraphic for her liking, and could only make out a few words.

( She did this, she did that, she took a shit and wiped her ass. Learn how to fucking WRITE. THIS IS SO STATIC AND BORING. Thesaurus, USE IT. )

"Thunder… Sword… Omens… Book… Cats."

( Leanne: Unable to read "cats" unless the word is separate from the word Thunder. Ditto for thunder. Unable to read the word "of." Why the fuck are Book and Cats sitting out in the middle of nowhere? What words in TC11 canon use those words except in the context of "Sword/Book of Omens" and "Thundercats?" )

Leanne scrunched up her nose at the words, wondering exactly what her Nana had been writing about in those diaries.

( Ooooh, a diary? Not just some random storybook? Looks like Leanne here is about to follow in her hell-bound grandma's footsteps! )

She checked the date, seeing that her grandmother had written about these things when she was about her age, maybe younger.

( IT'S LIKE FUSHIGI YUGI, ONLY SUCKIER. 8D )

She shook her head, closing the diary and putting it back in the box. Her eyes caught something shining, and looked to see a beautiful, round, red jewel in the box.

( 1) Commas. 2) oh god no. NOT THE WAR STONE. )

Eyes sparkling in curiosity, something she had been continually scolded for over the past seventeen years of her life, she reached for the jewel, seeing that it was attached to a chain as a sort of necklace that vaguely reminded her of Egyptian jewelry.

( RUN-ON SENTENCE. I SHOULD KEEP A RECORD OF HOW MANY THERE ARE. |8 And wait, scolding herself for curiosity? She must be a freaking idiot. Curiosity helps us learn. )

Smiling at the lovely piece of jewelry, Leanne reached into the box, looking for a mirror, and found her Nana's old hand mirror. Picking it up, she put the necklace on and looked at herself in the mirror, looking at her reflection, and smiling at how the necklace looked on her.

( Convenient mirror is convenient. She hated her nana and now has the gall to touch her nasty old-lady jewelry? )

"I make retro look good." She said to herself, deciding that this particular piece of junk would stay with her.

( I hate you. )

She frowned when she noticed a small spot on the middle of the red jewel. Putting the mirror down and glaring at the spot, she started using her nails to scratch away the disgusting brown stain.

( Aladdin's lamp, anyone? )

When it was gone, she smiled at how much better the little jewel looked on the necklace without the spot. She picked the mirror back up and admired her reflection again,

( "I'm stealing my hated grandmother's necklace, and I'm okay with that. " )

when she noticed something odd about the necklace again. There was something else on the jewel, that looked something like a black panther head. Suddenly, the panther symbol disappeared, and the necklace began to glow brightly.

( Oh my god, IT IS THE FUCKING WAR STONE. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. )

The light from it reflected off of the mirror, and shined into Leanne's eyes.

( IT BURNS. THE ACCURSED LIGHT OF THE SUN!!! )

She cried out from the brightness, dropping the mirror

( Crunch. )

and covering her eyes with her hands to try and ease the sudden sting from the glowing necklace, whose light was glowing brighter and brighter with each second.

( VAPORIZE HER. COME ON, EYE OF THUNDERA. SAVE YOURSELF!! )

She got up, trying to find her way around the attic through her temporary blindness, and headed straight for the exit. Her foot went through the hole in the attic floor, and she screamed as she fell through.

( What hole? You never mentioned a hole. )

She let out a grunt when she landed on the ground, thanking God she wasn't hurt. She sat up, surprised to feel the carpet below her feel more like grass under her skin than actual carpet.

( Thesaurus. Use. IT. )

"What in the heck…?" She blinked away the sudden blindness she had suffered from the necklace, and was surprised to see that she was sitting on the ground, in a forest, outside.

( Surprise, surprise, surprise. Uuuugh. Find a new wooord. )

She instantly stood up, looking around for something familiar, but saw nothing. She didn't see any sign that she was still in her attic, or anywhere near her house for that matter. "Mom?" She didn't hear a response, "Mom?!" Still, there was no reply, "Marissa?!" She tried her mother's first name, and she still didn't get a response.

( This entire sequence reads a little awkwardly. If your own mother wouldn't respond to your voice (and given your bratitude, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case) why would suddenly yelling her first name make progress? Also, punctuation misuse. )

Now, she was starting to panic, "Mom?" She ran, looking for any sign that she was near her house. "Mom!" She ran through an innumerable amount of trees and bushes, "Mom!" Her eyes began to well up in hysterical tears, "Mommy!"

( You were just insulting your mother and suddenly you want her to come save you. This reminds me of those scenes in cartoons with the baby animal running around trying to find its mother after running around the bend... though given the fandom I guess I can't be surprised since the Thunderkittens would probably do that if they had parents. )

She screamed out her last word and she ran through the trees, and was surprised to see she had come out of the forest, and now looked ahead of her to see a city surrounded by a huge wall. Her heart beat at an incredibly fast pace, realizing there was nothing like this back in her home.

( It took her that long to realize it, my friends. )

Looking around, seeing that she had no other options at that moment than to go towards the walls and look for some kind of help, Leanne started walking towards the city.

( I'm getting another "Static Writing" vibe. This is extremely reminiscent of a certain preteen vampire novel. )

As she got closer and closer, she saw some guards dressed in strange uniforms standing outside the walls of it. She was even more surprised when she saw their face paint.

( No deion of the uniforms other than "strange." This is perfect writing, people. )

They even had the strangest ears, they were rounded, yet pointy, like a cat's ears.

( Odd way of putting it, but okay. )