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Author Topic: Video Game Summaries as told by Japanties and Pantei  (Read 535 times)

Albert Heinrich

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Video Game Summaries as told by Japanties and Pantei
« on: February 19, 2011, 11:54:09 PM »
 (Entei)

Oblivion: Captain Piccard voice impersonator gives a felon a super necklace which he is physically unable to pawn.


Fallout 3: A young man/woman leaves home forever to stalk Liam Neeson


Legend of Zelda: A young boy with no pants collects stones and coins


Team Fortress 2: Hat simulator


Final Fantasy 7: Conservationists' efforts to stop climate change are thwarted by an effeminate man upset by the loss of his mother.


Bioshock: A druggie with trouble saying "no" runs errands at his father's workplace


Tales of Vesperia: A transgender boy and his smoking dog prevent global warming with a giant sword.


WoW: LARPers band together to defeat powerful monsters to obtain clothes to better LARP with


Persona 3: A bunch of teenages repeatedly shoot themselves in the head to save their school from demons


Final Fantasy 13: A tsundere soldier and her friends run down a straight hallway for hours


Tales of Symphonia: A group of friends plant a tree


Metroid Other M: a woman struggles to overcome her daddy issues while submitting herself to the abitrary will of a man she barely knows


Assassin's Creed Brotherhood: A bunch of Italians fight over an apple


Earthbound: A group of psychic children abort a cosmic baby


Phoenix Wright: a man honors the memory of his mentor by forcing her 16 year old sister and 8 year old cousin to keep him company while bumbling through murder mysteries


Halo: A green legoman has to escape an infested spacestation and destroy it


Left 4 Dead: A group of strangers become close friends during a long road trip across the country


Chrono Trigger: A mute boy has a great time at a carnival and steals an old man's lunch


God of War 2: A father plays a prank on his son, to which he overreacts


No More Heros: Desperate weeaboo tries to get laid


Demons' Souls: You die. Multiple times.


Okami: a wolf learns how to paint, then flys away in a space ship


Minecraft: An autistic man becomes more autistic


Deus Ex: A government agent uncovers a worldwide conspiracy and becomes god


Harvest Moon: create a lucrative farm and pick your waifu


Amnesia: An insomniac steals oil and candles so he can sneak into a basement and murder an old man. Also he's afraid of the dark.


Mario Galaxy: Years of mushroom abuse finally catch up to a fat plumber


Pokemon: elementary school children run away from home to become the greatest cockfighters ever


Guild Wars: PvP game billed as a shitty PvE game


.hack//: A group of kids saves the world from a dead poet's cyber terrorist blackbox


Final Fantasy 8: An emo boy dies while trying to assassinate a witch, then dreams about what the rest of his life would be like


Final Fantasy 6: A sadistic clown succeeds in destroying the world and becomes a god


The Sims: You build tiny houses with no doors for people then set them on fire and watch them slowly burn to death


Sims 3: Basically the same as Sims 1, except now you can take evil bubble baths.


Spore: You create a species with which you make a desperate suicide run to the center of the galaxy, only to find a stupid and ultimately useless item


Katamari: The creator of the universe gets drunk and destroys everything, then you have to put everything back together by rolling up random shit into a ball


Persona 4: Dating simulator with a random dungeon generator mini-game


Lost Odyssey: A bunch of ageless amnesiac aliens travel the world trying to stop another ageless alien from starting a new ice age.


Metal Gear Solid 4: Two old men try to kill eachother for drugs


Pokemon Snap: An old man sends a 10 year old child into space to snap shots of a cat's ass.


Mass Effect: You have hot alien sex


Grand Theft Auto: You kill hookers while solving some stupid urban dispute


Portal: A young woman tries to escape a government wepons testing facility in order to obtain cake


Majora's Mask: After saving an alternate future from an evil wizard pig, a young boy comes to terms with death while learning various valuable life lessons while collecting masks


Pokemon Stadium: Cockfighting becomes a national sport.


Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past: A boy with no pants travels to an alternate dimension to rescue a bunch of chicks from the harem of the King of Evil.


Final Fantasy 5: An evil tree tries to destroy the world


Grandia II: A sarcastic teenager and his talking bird halt the ressurection of a demon god with the help of a ditzy, MPD blonde, a lion man, a small child and a robot.


Final Fantasy 10: AND IT WAS ALL JUST A DREAM


Final Fantasy 12: Shit no one cares about


Skies of Arcadia: Pirates on flying ships wage war against ethnically amiguous yellow people with Spanish names.


Grandia III: A blue-haired teenager and his elf girlfriend do battle against a crystal obsessed demon god to horribly juxtapositioned music.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2011, 11:55:41 PM by Anatidaephobia »


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Archmage Ansrit

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Re: Video Game Summaries as told by Japanties and Pantei
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2011, 10:03:11 AM »
You forgot Dwarf Fortress!

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Re: Video Game Summaries as told by Japanties and Pantei
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2011, 10:09:06 AM »
You do realize the Portal one is a serious explanation of the game? XD

These are very silly, good job!
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tell the rambler, the gambler, the back-biter
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down.

Albert Heinrich

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Re: Video Game Summaries as told by Japanties and Pantei
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2011, 11:17:30 AM »
Final Fantasy 3: A giant glowing crystal tells four kids that they have to go defeat some bad weather

Final Fantasy 9: An overly-jealous drag queen monkey has a hissy fit and tries to destroy a rock.

~ Courtesy of my friend Catherine


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Re: Video Game Summaries as told by Japanties and Pantei
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2011, 11:52:13 AM »
Final Fantasy 3: A giant glowing crystal tells four kids that they have to go defeat some bad weather

Final Fantasy 9: An overly-jealous drag queen monkey has a hissy fit and tries to destroy a rock.

~ Courtesy of my friend Catherine

-nods wisely-

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Re: Video Game Summaries as told by Japanties and Pantei
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2011, 12:48:38 AM »
Shouldn't Assassin's Creed be, "Man goes into a machine to pretend he's someone cooler than he is"?

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Re: Video Game Summaries as told by Japanties and Pantei
« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2011, 12:42:57 AM »
A few things to point out:

Oblivion: It IS Captain Picard

Final Fantasy 12: Really? I thought it turned out better than X-2


 



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